Top 10 Things Every Couple
Should Learn To Do
1) Employ humor
When people are dating they laugh, carry on and have fun with each other. Somehow the weight of everyday life gets in the way of enjoying each other’s company. If you have lost your sense of humor…try finding it again! (see my article on Humor and Its Benefits). Humor brings people together and makes for a more relaxed atmosphere. Everyone enjoys being entertained and laughter is contagious. Lighten up, be less serious and more playful, like when you were dating!
2) Promote dialogue
Communication means exchange, discussion and conversation between partners. For this to be effective each partner needs to listen attentively, speak without threatening or blaming the other and emphasize the positive. Share what is on your mind.
3) Be clear
If you are not sure about what you want from your partner, get clear before you bring it up. If you are dissatisfied and want things to get better then it is your responsibility to identify the issue(s) so that you can talk about them. If you are going through a personal struggle let your partner know that you are struggling with your own personal issues and that is not h/her fault.
4) Be considerate
Being accommodating, attentive, patient and thoughtful go a long way in creating a loving atmosphere where each partner is getting their needs met. Showing awareness and regard for your partner's thoughts and feelings creates a climate of acceptance and love.
5) Be tolerant
If you are difficult to get along with and that has been getting worse over time, learn some tolerance quickly! Tolerance falls into the category of forgiveness and benevolence. Being tolerant of others is an admirable attribute that works well in a relationship. (see Newsletter on Forgiving Your Partner).
6) Take responsibility
When a couple is not getting along there will often be some finger pointing and blaming. Be ready to accept that you have contributed to the problem. Accepting responsibility and not being defensive can be liberating and will promote harmony.
7) Agree to disagree when necessary
Couples will often fall into the trap of thinking there has to be a resolution to every argument or disagreement. One partner can respectfully disagree with the other. If an issue demands that there be a decision, some form of negotiation should be entered into. (see Newsletter on Negotiating With Your Partner).
8) Learn to edit what you say
I am not suggesting that anyone be dishonest or not share thoughts with their partner. I am only saying here that it is sometimes wise to examine what you are about to say for the effect it might have on your partner. Simply blurting out something that will change a pleasant mood or cause unnecessary upset will not be in the best interest of your relationship. There may be a better time or way to say something that can be hurtful.
9) Compliment each other
There is ample evidence to show that couples who compliment each other have better relationships. This behavior tends to create a positive, friendly and morale lifting climate in which partners feel accepted and appreciated. Compliments are so easy to give and yet partners often forget or have not learned to give them. Using this simple tool more often in your relationship should help to improve your rapport.
10) Show affection
Everyone wants to feel loved and appreciated. Affection comes in all forms. Saying nice things to each other, smiling often, touching, kissing and doing things for your partner all demonstrate affection. These expressions validate your connection and enhance it. It is a great feeling when someone you care about shows that they care about you.
