| March 1, 2006 | Keeping An Open Mind |
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All couples argue. Conflict between people who have emotional ties to one another is inevitable. Conflict will arise when people disagree about perceptions, ideas, values and needs no matter how trivial the issue may appear to others. I counsel a lot of couples in my practice and one of the most pervasive problems comes out of the partner’s inability to discuss or argue a subject fairly. There is any number of reasons for this: 1) they simply never learned how to have an appropriate discussion about matters of importance; 2) they never learned how to compromise; 3) there is a sense of competition that prevents one or the other from “giving in”, therefore “losing” the fight; 4) and, of course, the ever popular idea that “I am right” and “you are wrong”…period!. In this month’s newsletter I offer tips for the couple who is having difficulty talking about things. Generally speaking, a couple might start out with what seems like a harmless discussion and before too long they are in an angry fight, neither one listening to the other. They would say that they have a communications problem…and they do. Partners will prevent themselves from moving f... |
The Blame Game
This is a game we all know. I don’t think there is anyone who can truthfully say that he or she has not played it. It is a game that is addictive and seductive and can cause untold damage to a relationship. It is a game with no winner! To blame someone is to hold them responsible for something. In general we would all agree that everyone needs to be responsible for his or her acts. However, in a relationship blaming often comes out of strong emotions and takes the form of accusatio... |
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Talking Without Bloodshed
If you want to be angry and have a bare knuckle, destructive, bloody verbal battle then simply disregard this article. Agree On The Rules: Both partners should go into a discussion with the understanding of the following r... |
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