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Many of us hold grudges or resentment towards one or more people in our lives. It is a sad but harsh truth that the anger we feel towards people who we believe have hurt us in some way often festers inside us, like some disease process, eating at our insides.
It is not that feeling or being angry with someone who deserves it is a bad thing. In fact it is a normal response and is related to the brain function that helps to protect us in times of crisis. Anger therefore is a useful emotion when appropriately felt and expressed.
If you have angry feelings towards someone and let them know that what they are doing is hurting you, you are exercising assertiveness. If, on the other hand, you were to engage in a hostile act such as hitting or pushing or raging in the form of uncontrolled screaming and name-calling, you would be aggressing.
When couples are angry with each other and let their anger fester, it will often drive them to become resentful, hostile and bitter. Holding onto these feelings makes it become increasingly more difficult to reconcile their differences, let alone feel and act loving towards one another. When people are able to forgive they ...
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Forgiveness
It should come as no surprise to anyone that an angry resentful person is no fun to be around. In fact most people would prefer to be far away from anyone who tends to project those types of feelings.
What is also true is that the angry, resentful person causes himself harm. To harbor those powerful negative feelings on an ongoing basis puts enormous stress on a person’s immune system. (See Chronic Stress, A deadl...
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Learning How To Forgive
Whatever the transgression, however angry or disgusted you may feel towards your partner, if you are going to try to make the relationship work you will want to learn how to forgive.
Forgiveness does not mean you condone whatever was done (or not done). It is not meant to give someone the opportunity to continue bad behavior, abuse or infidelity. It means that you want to let go of the negative feelings that are trapping you and making you sick.
Here are some ways to accompl...
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