Newsletter

November 1, 2007 Keeping An Open Mind

Many couples find it difficult or sometimes nearly impossible to negotiate with each other. Sitting down and actually agreeing to a compromise seems beyond their ability. There can be emotional barriers or fears that stifle partners from even beginning the process.

An emotional barrier that might block a partner from negotiating could be the feeling that the other partner doesn’t care enough and that “I never get what I want”. An example of fear could be the fear of stirring something up or creating an atmosphere of anger or hostility. This fear can prevent a couple from discussing possible resolutions to an issue. (See my previous Newsletter on Why Couples Argue).

To create a successful relationship partners need to negotiate. They need to be able to discuss their respective positions with clarity and not be afraid of working out tough issues they face together. After all, the world outside of love relationships requires the same skills. (See High Performance Couples).The better one is... Please read on

Negotiate With Your Partner

Why negotiate?
Conflict is inevitable so why not learn to deal with it.
Communication improves when you learn to negotiate.
You can grow closer and stronger when you learn to negotiate
Learning to negotiate is empowering.

What skills do you need?
Listening: Staying attentive to the other’s position in order to understand their point of view.
Empathy: Understanding how the other feels.
Self-awareness: Recognizing that you are an integral part of both the problem and the solution.

What can you negotiate?
You can negotiate almost any decision or behavior, that is: When someone will do something or what someone will do.
Do not try to negotiate trust, core values or someone’s integrity.

Preparation
Before beginning to negotiate set up your own personal principles or guidelines that you will adhere to. If you stay on track you will likely be more successful.
Ask yourself: What kind of partner do I want to be? (Honest, flexible, understanding)
Ask yourself: What do I want out of this negotiation”?
Ask yourself: Am I wil... Please read on