Archived Articles
How High Is Your Emotional Intelligence? ...by Stan Hyman, PhD, LCSW
What attributes do you ascribe to someone who you think of as intelligent? Do you think of them as really smart? Do they have to know a lot? Do they have to have a great memory? Understand math? Speak more than one language?
Intelligence is the capacity for reasoning, learning and understanding. A person with good intellect or intelligence quotient (IQ) is one who can look at things, assess them and make reasoned judgments about them. He doesn’t have to be a genius, just have reasonable intelligence.
Some years ago we realized that there were many people who had good intellect (IQ) but were lacking in the ability to properly use it because they had poor emotional intelligence (EQ).
In other words, people with poor emotional intelligence are often unable to use their intellect to full capacity because their own emotions and their inability to understand other’s emotions get in the way.
Someone could be smart in one way but dumb in another. In fact, people with higher emotional intelligence (EQ) are often better prepared for stressful events than those with a higher IQ.
It is therefore important to learn how to increase your emotional intelligence because it will likely help you to succeed, especially under pressure.
I explain what emotional intelligence is and how to raise your score. EQ is an important component for success so learning to improve it is a wise idea.
Emotional Intelligence
People with low emotional intelligence (EQ) are often described as angry or irritable, short or curt with others, intolerant and judgmental of almost everyone, sometimes even themselves.
However, EQ runs on a continuum from very low to very high. It can be improved with some effort. When someone improves their EQ they will often see improvements in many aspects of their lives.
A person with low EQ might have some of these traits:
Blames others for the way he feels
Judges others harshly
Uses guilt to manipulate others.
Is dishonest about what he is really feeling
Is vengeful or carries grudges
Tends to attack, criticize or lecture others
Is prone to acting out or behaving immaturely
Is generally insensitive to other’s feelings
Is often evasive, not forthcoming with information
Lacks compassion or empathy
Raising you EQ can be learned. If you are motivated to make changes you can learn strategies to implement them.
Do You Have High EQ?
A person with high EQ will often have some of these traits:
Expresses his feelings clearly and directly
Is self-aware and understands his own emotions and recognizes feelings as they occur
Knows how to manage relationships
Is able to handle interpersonal interaction, conflict resolution, and negotiations
Is empathic, can recognize feelings in others and is tuned into their verbal and nonverbal cues
Has confidence and is not immobilized by fear, doubt and paranoia
Tends to be optimistic, but can evaluate circumstances objectively
Sees failure as something to learn from and does not overdramatize it
Is curious about how others think and interested in their contribution
Has the ability to read nonverbal cues and understand another’s point of view
Is willing to cooperate and can work well with others.
If you have several of these traits you probably have a reasonably high EQ...good for you!